You know what? I'm pretty close to 100% certain that the best thing on the menu at Taco Bell is the plain hard taco, the one that costs like a buck. I always get roped into buying something flashy with huge gobbets of cheese or beans as my "entrée" and having a couple of those little tacos on the side just to fill in the corners (my stomach has corners, little known fact). Naw, man. I've been fooling myself all these years. Everything I really need is in that little crunchy package. I'm having, like, a borderline spiritual awakening here. The food at Taco Bell gets worse as it gets more expensive. A perfect vision of hell is a Taco Bell menu item that cost $20.
Comments (30)
A perfect vision of hell is [REDACTED] Taco Bell [REDACTED].
Fixed that for you...
Posted by Tybalt | March 29, 2008 2:12 PM
Posted on March 29, 2008 14:12
No kidding, man.
Even it's little cousin the soft burrito pales in comparison. The thing is like eating a flaccid, bean-filled penis.
Posted by Mike W | March 29, 2008 2:35 PM
Posted on March 29, 2008 14:35
They made a movie about your perfect vision of hell.
Posted by Matt Moore | March 29, 2008 4:32 PM
Posted on March 29, 2008 16:32
Oh, and my favorite was (I haven't eaten at the Bell in years) the Chilito. At some point they renamed it the Chili-Cheese Burrito because Chilito means little penis.
Posted by Matt Moore | March 29, 2008 4:34 PM
Posted on March 29, 2008 16:34
Hey I was going to make my first (and very positive) comment on your site to congratulate you on making Real Clear twice in one week. But now I see you eat at Taco Bell. My opinion of you just took a nosedive....
Posted by brian | March 29, 2008 6:18 PM
Posted on March 29, 2008 18:18
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
Posted by Andy Grabia | March 29, 2008 9:55 PM
Posted on March 29, 2008 21:55
It's the Onions that make it so good for you.
Posted by Crid | March 29, 2008 10:12 PM
Posted on March 29, 2008 22:12
Agreed; the basic taco seems to be the best permutation of the five basic ingredients that make up their menu.
Posted by Chuck McKinnon | March 29, 2008 10:48 PM
Posted on March 29, 2008 22:48
Sadly Canada doesn't have 11 zillion illegal Mexican immigrants around to operate cheap taquerias. There's nothing in that conceptual space between junk food and decent sit-down places if you're just swinging by the laundry and you want something other than a burger. In general Edmonton is a fast-food/deli nightmare; the labour-market boom is forcing closures of long-existing places rather than attracting new ones.
Posted by Colby Cosh | March 29, 2008 11:04 PM
Posted on March 29, 2008 23:04
There's nothing in that conceptual space between junk food and decent sit-down places if you're just swinging by the laundry and you want something other than a burger.
I don't know: Taco Del Mar comes close. Quiznos decorations, Subway-style assembly procedure, and light years ahead of Taco Time.
Posted by FACLC | March 30, 2008 9:40 AM
Posted on March 30, 2008 09:40
I do note that Taco Bell is perfectly capable of profitably operating here in El Paso, Texas.
Posted by Warmongering Lunatic | March 30, 2008 12:15 PM
Posted on March 30, 2008 12:15
I don't know: Taco Del Mar comes close. Quiznos decorations, Subway-style assembly procedure, and light years ahead of Taco Time.
Well, maybe it's sort of what I had in mind but I didn't know it was there. And there's only one of them. And it's across the river from me. Good intel though.
Posted by Colby Cosh | March 30, 2008 12:39 PM
Posted on March 30, 2008 12:39
I believe Taco Town has the entree you're having nightmares about:
http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/taco%2Btown/video/x2ulvr_taco-town-snl_fun
Posted by Garnet | March 30, 2008 12:46 PM
Posted on March 30, 2008 12:46
In Edmonton's defence I should say that it's actually got a lot of cool "delicatessens"—Ben's, the Italian Centre Shop, the Polonia, the Budapest on 111th, etc., etc. But these are places that sell fixings, not "delis" in the sense accepted elsewhere. Where would you go to order a quick Reuben and a container of soup to go? At Spinelli's place they have pre-wrapped panini—I recognize them as precious works of art but they're just too heavy on the cloyingly sweet antipasto for my taste. And there's the Mundare Sausage House if you happen to be way the fuck out in the east end.
Posted by Colby Cosh | March 30, 2008 12:50 PM
Posted on March 30, 2008 12:50
Can't go wrong in the fast/not junk department with Tim Horton's Chili.
Posted by AtlanticTy | March 30, 2008 3:45 PM
Posted on March 30, 2008 15:45
Can't go wrong in the fast/not junk department with Tim Horton's Chili.
And in Alberta you'd only have to wait 20 minutes in line to get it.
Posted by mclea | March 30, 2008 7:09 PM
Posted on March 30, 2008 19:09
If you've already decided to settle for conglomerate fast food Mexican you might as well go to Taco Time. Admittedly it's not the same since they dropped the Crisp Meat Burrito but it's a lot less gimmicky than Taco Bell and it has a nice regional charm about it. I always thought it was strictly a Calgary thing growing up but apparently it started in Eugene OR in 1960 and went international in Lethbridge (!) in 1978. Make a run north of the border!
Posted by Jon Sawyer | March 30, 2008 7:16 PM
Posted on March 30, 2008 19:16
Colby,
Someone who went to the U of A a couple of decades ago told me that there was an independent chain called Burger King that was not affiliated with the flame broiled franchiser that trails McDonalds (and occasionally Wendys) in market share. Can you verify this, or was she full of it?
Posted by Half Canadian | March 30, 2008 10:10 PM
Posted on March 30, 2008 22:10
Well, Taco Del Mar has a couple more locations than what Google knows about, though I understand that adding two locations in the west end and two even farther south doesn't help you much.
Taco Del Mar is also licensed, and that might help motivate you a bit...
Posted by FACLC | March 30, 2008 10:50 PM
Posted on March 30, 2008 22:50
Someone who went to the U of A a couple of decades ago told me that there was an independent chain called Burger King that was not affiliated with the flame broiled franchiser that trails McDonalds (and occasionally Wendys) in market share. Can you verify this, or was she full of it?
It's true. It's why the big Burger King took so long to get here. I believe it actually operated alongside a few KFCs back in the day. That's the one I remember anyway. On 75 street and Roper Rd.
Posted by Andy Grabia | March 31, 2008 12:06 AM
Posted on March 31, 2008 00:06
The Burger King story is true. That chain had some kind of prior claim on the territorial rights to the Burger King name, and even after they closed their last location God-knows-when (I'm old enough to remember seeing the "fake" Burger King) you couldn't get a Whopper in Edmonton until 1995.
Posted by Colby Cosh | March 31, 2008 12:10 AM
Posted on March 31, 2008 00:10
And of course, there was famously a law firm in Guelph called Burger King. They had the names and they couldn't resist. No, it didn't last; they weren't compatible.
Posted by ebt | March 31, 2008 11:23 AM
Posted on March 31, 2008 11:23
It's a known fact that the crispy beef taco is God's perfect food, and it appears it's the atheists' perfect food as well. It's a good day when everything I've eaten comes wrapped in a tortilla.
Posted by L | March 31, 2008 12:35 PM
Posted on March 31, 2008 12:35
I'm shocked, as a Pacific Northwesterner, to hear that Taco Time is nigh-national in Canada (to think that here in the US they're vanishingly uncommon outside of the Northwest and Utah...).
What the hell?
(Mmmm, fried burrito and mexi-fries.)
(Also, at Taco Bell, the "grilled stuft burrito" is surprisingly non-crappy.
Demand "no sauce, no pico", for maximum benefit.
Likewise, the bean and cheese burrito is only worthwhile if you ask for onions on it.)
Posted by Sigivald | March 31, 2008 12:56 PM
Posted on March 31, 2008 12:56
I don't think this looksvanishingly uncommon.
Posted by Matt Moore | March 31, 2008 2:44 PM
Posted on March 31, 2008 14:44
He was talking about Taco Time. The link you posted is to a map of Taco Bells.
Posted by Colby Cosh | March 31, 2008 2:49 PM
Posted on March 31, 2008 14:49
Is there really no KFC stores in the state of Montana? That can't be true. Someone please splain.
Posted by Andy Grabia | April 1, 2008 12:31 AM
Posted on April 1, 2008 00:31
Good lord, Cosh! A Taco Bell taco is nothing but a teaspoon of beef-flavored salt smothered in limp, browning lettuce; disgusting.
I had assumed that a man of your girth and intellect would be a gourmand - year-old hams, goose livers, haughty ethnic cuisines. Guess not.
Don't they have a Taco Time in your area? At least their tacos contain actual food . . .
Posted by nitus | April 1, 2008 1:07 PM
Posted on April 1, 2008 13:07
Smithfield hams, if you please.
Posted by Garth Wood | April 2, 2008 6:42 AM
Posted on April 2, 2008 06:42
Oops, sorry. Yeah, I've never heard of Taco Time.
Posted by Matt Moore | April 3, 2008 9:02 PM
Posted on April 3, 2008 21:02