To paraphrase Jean Chrétien, I’m no editor, but I would have put this item on the front page of the University of Alberta’s Gateway instead of burying it halfway down the police-blotter page:
On the morning of 26 October, a homemade motorized couch valued at over $1000 was stolen from the west exterior of a house on 87 Avenue and 110 Street. The motorized two-person love seat, powered by a lawnmower-style engine, was located two days later. There was substantial damage and some parts were stolen, but it should be fixable.
Despite its placement, the item attracted a pithy letter from a reader, reprinted here in its entirety:
What no one was thinking when they found out that fucking motorized couch was stolen: “OH NO!”
The response from the owner of the couch rates high indeed on the Unintentional Comedy Scale. If you ever find yourself writing the sentence “I feel that I must heartily disagree with the claim that no one cared about the theft of my motorized couch”, some re-evaluation of your life may be in order.
Comments (7)
Valued at 1,000? Or is that how much money was put into it? I've seen the couch cruise around frat houses after exams in April, and -ahem - there is no way someone would pay 50 bucks for it.
Posted by Jonathan | November 7, 2007 8:59 AM
Posted on November 7, 2007 08:59
Cosh, stop taunting the poor guy and just return him his couch already. I know you thought it would make your daily beer runs more leisurely, but is the crime really worth the time? Just write one motorised couch into your next Post contract renewal. With Coyne leaving, they've surely got the money.
Posted by Rummi | November 7, 2007 10:35 AM
Posted on November 7, 2007 10:35
My motorized hammock disappeared last summer and the theft didn't even make the papers.
Posted by Jason | November 7, 2007 10:52 AM
Posted on November 7, 2007 10:52
I'm sure that had it been your motorized hammock pulling the motorized couch on 87 ave, in broad daylight no less, concerned citizens would have immediately alerted the authorities. Good thing I got that anti-theft device installed in my solar-powered futon. Can't be too careful nowadays!
Posted by thor | November 7, 2007 5:24 PM
Posted on November 7, 2007 17:24
His couch can drive to the fridge, but can its owner WALK to the fridge? 'Cuz the kind of people who own items like that are usually...wide.
Posted by Sean McCormick | November 7, 2007 5:29 PM
Posted on November 7, 2007 17:29
I don't think you guys are giving this couch enough credit. It took a lot of work to build I understand...this thing even had a stereo!
Posted by David | November 8, 2007 10:52 AM
Posted on November 8, 2007 10:52
Well, sofa, so good...
Posted by ebt | November 8, 2007 3:33 PM
Posted on November 8, 2007 15:33